What’s in a surname?

Of late, there have been many blogs/articles on a woman changing her surname after she gets married. I am sure most of you know the two sides of the coin. While some argue saying it is appropriate to keep the father’s name as the surname as a sign of gratitude to their fathers, some say it is a matter of respect for the husband with whom they are going to spend the rest of their life. And then of course, are these women who have no choice but to accept the family name after marriage. 

In the first two options, it is purely a matter of choice. Whatever may be the choice, there is no right or wrong about it and we have absolutely no right to judge. Sometimes I wonder if we think too much, over analyze things and are at a perpetual struggle to prove ourselves right. 

Well, to me, just because a woman changes her surname to her husband’s name, it doesn’t mean she loves her father any less or the other way around. And with just keeping the name, does it prove that the love is unconditional? These are choices we make based on our thoughts and impulse and there isn’t need for any justification. Yes, people are entitled to their opinion, but I don’t think it’s wise to rub it into another and be judgmental about it. 

After all, what’s in the surname? Isn’t there much more to life than this?

Insensitive or intolerant??

I have been travelling over the last couple of weeks and while I have been enjoying things around me, a few things happened that got me thinking.

Scene 1: It's 12:30 am and the train halts at Bangalore. People board into the train and there is a ruckus in the compartment. It takes a whole half hour for them to settle down, by which time, most of the people sleeping in that compartment are waken from their sleep. 

Scene 2: It's 4 am in the morning and it's a hill station. People are being taken in their respective cabs to view sun rise at a point close by. There's commotion and chatter in high pitches and of course utter confusion. There are other people in the vicinity who are asleep and probably have a long day ahead of them. 

Scene 3: It's an airport, which is really small, but has a large number of commuters. There is a fight for place to sit and while each one is trying to hold onto the place they have, the rest are fighting to sit right there. 

All these instances make me wonder whether we have become intolerant to petty disturbances such as these or whether people have become insensitive to the feelings and comfort of others. It makes me wonder whether we have all become selfish to the extent that we no longer care to empathize with the others' situation. It was annoying to be woken up at those wee hours or having to fight for a place to sit. But, does that make one intolerant? Or would it make the people creating the ruckus insensitive to others?

I am back!

      Drawing inspiration from a dear friend, I decided to continue my blogging. And just as I made my decision, a couple of things came to my mind: 

1)      I realized that I am so hopelessly lazy and that like many other times, my blogging stint wouldn’t last very long. But anyways, I am here, to start it again. 

2)      It is just not enough to make that unwise decision; I must also have an idea of what I want to blog about. And as luck would have it, my mind is absolutely blank on this particular day!

Sigh! Never mind. It’s a start today. And I hope to be back tomorrow, with something worthwhile to write about.

On Advice and more

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Offering 'advice' is the new trend in today's world. People have moved on from blogging about personal experiences to blogging about parenting strategies and advice.  Everyone has something or the other to say and offer an advice or two. Any site you turn to, there are people advising you about bringing up empathetic children, what to say to children and what not to say, how to make them successful individuals, how mommies can handle pressure, what food to give and what not, gender inequality and how to deal with it, taking care of parents in their old age etc etc. 

I really don't know if its just me or if there are a lot of people going through the same feeling that this entire parenthood chapter is stretching a tad too far and is becoming quite an overdose. 

Yes of course, there is no absolute need for me to read each one of these blogs ( and I don't) and get so worked up. But it has made me wonder - how did our parents bring us up ? They didn't have these innumerable blog sites to refer to, neither did they have a plethora of information available on the internet. And I think we turned out fairly fine. All the things they couldn't teach us, we learnt on our own. We did have our share of disappointments, but in retrospect, such things only made us stronger. 

Why is there a perennial struggle to excel in being the perfect parent/ human? How much of this advice can one follow? Situations are different and there is no fool proof method to cope with these. Honestly, it is easier to relax, go with your instincts, do what you think is right for you and your child and things will fall into place. Somewhere in my mind, I believe that in the ordeal of doing all these 'perfect things' for our children,  we are actually making their life more imperfect. 

One or Two??

I have lost count of the number of times I have been asked this one question –“Don’t you think it is time for another child?” NO! I don’t think so!! 

I often wonder why it is so imperative to have two kids. For company, learning to share, someone to be there for him when I am gone are some of the reasons people come up with. Well, being a single child myself, I know it is not so hard. Eventually in life, friends take the place of siblings. We don’t have competition and hence don’t have to fight for stuff. We learn to be more magnanimous and we can share. We don’t take our relationships for granted, simply because we know we have to hold on to the few people in our life. 

I know several single children and they have all turned out fine. So I know my little one will be fine too. What are the chances that in a country of more than a billion people, he won’t find someone for himself?

I really appreciate people with two kids or more because I know it is a lot of hard work. But I guess two kids or one is really a matter of choice – there is no right or wrong. I am happy with the choice I made. Case rested!

OK Kanmani ...

Okay...so I saw OK kanmani. And I loved it. Ofcourse I'll love it. A love story with a happy ending. It cant get any better!

While discussing the movie, what came up was that the ending was very conventional and logical. It got me thinking, and I dint see anything wrong about it. (Again, I love love stories and to me, love makes one do unimaginable things). Sometimes, live-in’s become more serious than intended and people want to take the next step – marriage. There can be arguments about trust and if marriage is the only answer. No. But it is a way to seal a relationship and it is a way to say two people belong to each other.

Moving on

Today was our last day together as a class. My kids are moving on to the next grade. 

This was my first year as a class teacher and the experience was fantastic. I had great kids in my class. It dint dawn on me until then, but as we discussed the good moments of the year, I understood that being a teacher was not just about imparting knowledge, but also about touching lives and I had touched theirs. And they had touched mine. 

We shared a special bond and we had learnt a lot from each other. I knew I was going to miss each one of them as move on in life. Tight hugs and miss you’s filled the last hour of the day. With the last bye, teary eyed, I thought to myself-   I might teach them again, I may not; but the memories we shared are going to be cherished forever. 

I feel it. Almost every day. Especially today.